A Helpful Tip for Boardshort Shoppers

I have always liked the California lifestyle. I lived there for a number of years and grew to love the sun and surf.  Some of my best memories are of scuba-diving off the California coast in the great kelp forests and playing beach volleyball after work.  Not only did I like hanging out at the beach, but I also enjoyed California fashion.

I always thought the surfer or beach bum look was cool.  After work, I used to wear all kinds of wild tank tops, tee-shirts, and Vans sneakers.  I had half a dozen pairs of Zubaz genie pants for working out or for stepping out on the town.

Recently, I needed a new bathing suit and discovered a great deal on some O'Neil boardshorts.  Surprisingly, I had never owned a pair of boardshorts and these shorts seemed to be calling my name.

I picked through the selection, looked inside, and realized there was no mesh liner.  This troubled me since I believed boardshorts fell in the bathing suit category.  I was surprised to discover there was no lining.

I immediately took out my smartphone and googled, "Do you wear underwear when wearing boardshorts?"

Seconds later, I had several answers and they all seemed to say the same thing, "...although some men wear boxers under their boardshorts, there is nothing worse than having wet boxers an hour after your boardshorts are dry.  Don't worry, boardshorts are long enough that the wearer will not need to worry about anything being exposed."

This seemed to make perfect sense and I made my purchase.

Later that week, I was at a pool party and everyone was telling me how cool my shorts looked.  After accepting many compliments, I excused myself to use the restroom.

I opened the velcro fly (another feature that seemed like a cool thing to have on a bathing suit) and then realized I was in big trouble.

Apparently, velcro has a nasty habit of clasping onto anything it touches.

After a long and painful lesson, I came to the realization that if a fifty year old man needs to google something before he wears it, he probably has no business wearing it in the first place.

Summer of Bad Golf Update

Today's update is too long to post on Facebook or Twitter, so the update is going to be handled via my blog site.

Several years ago my uncle gave me an old hickory putter from St. Andrews. The club has a wood head, solid hickory shaft, and a leather grip.  I want to restore the club to its original beauty and mount it in my game room, but I've attached one small condition to this goal.  I want to use it to sink a "tap-in" birdie putt.  Once I sink a birdie putt, the plan would be to restore, include the date and details, and mount it on the wall.

Therein lies my problem.  I've been carrying this putter in my bag for over six years.  Each season, the wood gets a little flakier, and the thread holding the leather grips together gets a little more unraveled.  My golf game is so bad, that it's never been outside of my bag.  You see, a tap-in birdie putt is really hard to get (especially from someone with my limited golfing ability).

Well, that all changed this morning.  There was a very short (95 yards or so) par 3 hole at the Stanley Course in New Britain.  I took out my trusty 9-iron and hit what was probably my best golf shot ever.  The ball sailed high and true in the early morning air and looked like it had a chance for a hole-in-one.  Of course, once the ball struck the green and we could still see it, the thoughts of a hole-in-one were erased and I turned my attention to the putt at hand.

My two golfing buddies (who have been witness to some of the worst golf in the history of history) stated to me that it was time to take out the wooden putter.  As we walked to the green, I realized the putt would not be a tap-in.  It had struck in front of the pin and rolled away from the hole about 2 1/2 feet.  Besides being a couple of feet away, I would need to putt uphill and I was reading that the ball would track left to right.  Still it was a very makeable putt.

I argued that this was not a tap-in birdie attempt, so I should just get my regular putter and proceed.  There were protests and my buddies told me that this was the closest I had been in six years, so I might as well go for it.

I agreed.  While they were putting I took out the old putter and practiced.  The first thing I noticed was how weather beaten it had become by sitting in my bag all these years.  Next, I noticed it was much lighter than my normal putter, so I knew I would need to compensate a bit.  When the others finished putting, it was up to me.  I lined up my shot and then addressed the ball.  I took a practice swing and didn't like the way it felt. I walked away and lined up again.

As I slowed my breathing down and focused on the hole, I started my backswing.  In my mind, I was writing the headline to the fans of my Summer of Bad Golf Updates (yes, there are a few people, especially my cousin in Scotland who tells me she enjoys the updates very much) and telling them how I retired the hickory putter.

As the ball slid slightly past the hole, the headline turned into a footnote about how the hickory putter was used for a tap-in par on August 11, 2012.